Manifest your dreams. We can do that. We know that we can, if it was not for all the demands put upon us by the world. That is the theory behind college, place a young receptive mind in a healthy learning environment and they will spend their parents money partying. But we are past all that.
I can and will become an artist, but my responsibility right now is to work at producing images that intrigue and excite me. But more important it is to create and maintain an environment where I am constantly inspired to do that. And sell myself. Those are large requests. Some days, like today you are just tired. Can't think about art. I can't even think about thinking about art. Some days I do not have the energy to reach into the future and pull out a trail, a road into my future dream self. Some days crash into you and wash over you, they carry you along.
Fortunately my future is not governed by time. My dreams are controlled by my monetary situation. And I still have a few hundred left. Need to sell art. Need to make art. No, what you need to do is be art.
My natural state really is creating. I love to paint, draw, sculpt, write, perform, direct. I love it all working alone or with people. And I really can't hold down a regular job for very long. I get bored. I think I could spend the rest of my life creating and still not have enough time. Then I remember I decided I was going to spend the rest of my life creating. That, as my money dwindles, is exactly what I am trying to figure out. That I am here, in Seattle to answer these questions. To solve this predicament, this financial debacle that holds me back. That have tied my hands mid spell, mid manifestation.
I don't need to make art, to think about art, need to be art. Just like I don't ned to wear a costume to be a superhero. The walls, even the walls of money are on the inside. I have no responsibilities, no ties, no job. Only a responsibility to myself to be what I want.
Suddenly I am more focused. I want to go into the city and find a painting. Can't squander a day, a moment. That is a good word. Squander. I mean it is a bad word, something humans afraid to live, myself included, afraid to risk, to fail, we do it every day. Squander the moment. I love the way the Q seems to be a pool that you slip into, so easy to get stuck in. To look out realizing the moment is gone. You are stuck in another squandered moment.
The thing is if we are really focused on our aspirations we are driven by our own insecure need to be valued by people because we do not value ourselves enough. Or we realize there is no other option, but to do what we love and do it well. But without our insecure vanity do we have the desire, the gumption to actually succeed, and will we be plagued all our lives by the thought that we just wanted to be admired. And even when we are successful and well known, even when we are admired by all, we will not be happy. Will our loneliness haunt us to our grave. Is that what happened to Robin Williams?Is the American dream really American's dreams? Dreams that should not be fulfilled, dreams that are not fulfilling. That is why we get distracted. Because we really ought to smell the roses. Take a kid out for ice cream and give our lover a kiss.
Sorry. Still gonna stay on my road to paintersville.
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