Dawn in the garden of Ahhhhh

    My brain feels like a big poop tank with a school of turds floating around in it, feeding voraciously  on what few rational thoughts I have left. It is grey and wet outside. I do not know what I would want, but it would probably include a bed and a TV. I am sort of glad that that is not an option for me. Simply having more time not to absorb media, weather off of a tv or from a computer makes living in my vehicle more appealing. 'Cept the cops are starting to get to me. It is not that they have done anything particularly aggressive too recently, They have just been strutin'. And I know that they can give me a ticket any time, which I cannot pay for. So I live in fear. Well depending on where I am parked. In the NW industrial district I don't think they care. They just mark you down, keep an eye on you.

    It is art in the Pearl day. People rent spots to set up their pop up tents with their art inside. I cannot relate to them. Not that we are all that different, they are a little ahead in the game, they have some money to invest in their business. I wonder if anyone is buying their stuff. I don't think I can do any of this street selling any more. It is just too exhausting. You build up all this nervous excitement to get everything ready and set up and then end up feeling like a captive monkey in a zoo, as the throngs of people mossy by, looking briefly at your artwork, but not long enough for you to address them about questions. After hours of that you pack up and go home, hopefully having made enough money that you are not poorer than before you came. And then yo are tired and don't feel like making art for a day because you hate humanity. But it is ok, you are supposed to be defeated by the world, you are an artist, and that's what it means, and why does no one succeed at this anyway. Oh, yeah.

     I am living to create and create only. For the month of september it is all art all the time. In pretty much all ways living as an artist making paintings in the street is more refreshing than these art shows anyway. That is what you need, to stir it up alittle. These art walk shows are set up like a mall of booths, there is no way for the audience to feel involved, to break out of that window shopping attitude and involve themselves. 

     Since my funds are deteriorating this may not be a good conclusion, but I think it is. I may do another one, maybe last Thursday, or even Saturday market before I leave, but my mental state is both too important and delicate for me to toss myself to these vultures. 

    When I feel good I can do anything, hold on to that.