This is not just the caffeine talking

   There is this art in the Pearl thing going on this weekend. People set of booths at the end of the park blocks and sell their art. Don't wanna be a hater here. These people are all very skilled artist with a great deal more painting experience than I do. My problem is not with them, it is with the whole universe. Yes it has come down to it folks, my problems with the universe. Actually it is not the universe it is our attitude that art should be this way or that. All these people have very pretty, refined, balanced paintings. They were all very pretty. But to me none of them have any energy. My paintings are not nearly as clean and concise, maybe not as elegant and what not, but I see my struggle in them. I see my digging and striving to convey what I see. The stupid part is they're look is what my future should look like. I should iron out the wrinkles in my style and more toward crisp color changes and a complete piece that would go with any interior. Blahh, that was me puking in my mouth a little. Sorry you did not see or hear that, I love talking about interiors, especially with crazy bored house wife's, with no intention of actually paying you. Ha. I will never succeed in this biz.
      So in conclusion, in order to market yourself you must blossom in to a state of stagnancy.
      But I will not be led down that trail. Ha you think I wouldn't sell myself out for a fine cup of french pressed stumptown coffee. What I do not understand is what motivates a person to recreate a painting in their style over and over again. I mean I know they spent a long time developing that look. It is like they spend half their life building a car and then they spend the rest of it driving it around and trying to make money of it. And when it comes to going to these little pop up art shows that is exactly what they are doing. The sad thing is they probably don't even sell that much and are always counting their coins.
     I am really not going to go down that trail. But what am i gonna do, fail? Who knows. I feel good about things right now. It is September first. The first leaves are browning, the nights are actually cool enough that I wake up and pull a blanket over myself. The future is as uncertain as it ever has been. I am feeling more harassment from the cops, even though they have not been in my face recently, just a calmative anxiety. But I feel good. I do not know what will happen next. But this month is gonna be alright. I don't know if I feel it or if I just believe it, or that because I believe in now, now. Which reminds me of space balls. anyways, when I rewind the tape I am gonna look back and see that this was a formative month. I am in that state where you care but don't care. Where you are relaxed and focused.
     Painting is just what I do. So eventually I am going to find a way to make it work.